Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Stepping over the ledge !!!

My mind wanders...Am i nothing but a thought ? 
 Empty words carried by the wind...fall on bleeding hearts.
  Chasing my breath...the hour at last.
   Drowning in darkness....my soul on fire.
    Journey to the unknown...sanity on the run.
     The fatal wound...the last drop...shadow retreats.
       Wind at my back...angels lend a hand.
         It is time...fly...fly... you are free.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

On the path to life !!!

On a real gloomy day with thick clouds all over the tapestry of the sky, I got the sense that the day was a reflection of my inner being. I was walking alone in a forest not quite knowing where the trees would lead me. I surely did not think this was a dream because it started to rain and i could feel the water crashing on my face . Deep down I sensed I was suppose to be following a path that will take me to a magical place. It was waiting for me to show up.

As i approached a pond , i found a most amazingly beautiful white horse drinking from it. What was it doing there in the middle of the forest ? If this was a dream, I would have said this horse fell from the heavens. It raised its head and the eyes were twinkling like the stars. I suspect it could actually read my thoughts. I felt the need to go towards it. As I started to run my hand across its smooth skin, it kind of made a bobbing motion to hop on to help me complete my journey.

I then went gently trotting in the forest with my new companion, trusting her to know my destination. After a while, I started to find myself in a field of beautiful flowers of all sorts, like some kind of a secret garden in the forest. And the weirdest thing was the sky was getting brighter and brighter as i made my way in, the rain was no longer and the sun was making its way through. I picked up a sound coming amidst the garden, a distant musical sound. As i came closer, I saw this radiant woman playing the piano and all around her butterflies. They were everywhere in the garden flying in tune with her music. The sun's rays bouncing off from her hair and her skin looked so smooth. She was wearing this silky white dress that seemed to be floating on her. She was the most beautiful woman i ever laid eyes on. It was a moment frozen in time that took my breath away. Was I in the presence of an angel ? At that instant, she turned to me and smiled. I felt so alive, like my heart was about to explode. Who was she ? As I walked slowly in her direction, the music was just phenomenal, like the air and the sounds were one.

When I got closer I became mesmerized by her beauty, and then suddenly, she stopped playing. She looked up at me and smiled again. Who are you ? I whispered. She then answered with the most soothing voice " I am life...I've been expecting you ". And as I bent forward to embrace her, a peculiar thing started to unfold. Everything before my eyes started slowly to dissipate into the thin air, including her. She was a figment of my vivid imagination... a mirage after all. As I now stood alone in the forest, I tell you this, I will never forget that moment. I called her name but I got no answer. I looked up to the sky wishing it wasn't so, but then it started to rain again.
So long my friend...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

No ordinary tears....children of a lesser God !!!

I will tell you a story...a true story. It took place many years ago. It is about a little boy no more than 9 years old at the time. I remember the events well... I was there. Come along for the journey... I will do my best to take you back to that night....one that still haunts me to this day.

It was a day unlike any other day and the boy was not like anyone you had ever met. He was different. He had been born into a world where he does not belong. He was not suppose to live but he did. From the moment of his birth, his second home was in the hospital. His mom was advised to abort but she declined after taking pills for morning sickness that ended up damaging the fetus. He had countless surgeries to lessen the blow on his fragile body. He had missing organs, a crooked spine, a dormant heart problem, a distorted left leg and worst of all, his left hand was deformed . His parents were devastated, especially his mom. She hid him from her friends. Imagine at the moment of birth, a mother gazed upon the baby and realized her worst nightmare had come to life. This was his mother’s dilemma. What is the avalanche of emotions going on in her mind? I can only imagine her sorrow and madness fighting to gain Control. You see it is utterly impossible to hate or dislike a baby no matter what the Circumstances are. Many of nights she cried her heart out holding this child. Throughout the years , he had many surgeries and to this day suffers. I reckon his life will not be long, I cannot really say, who am i to know, only God knows. Now let me take you to the day i mentioned.

Oh what a day this was...a glorious day. The mother told her son that there was a special priest who came into the country from far away, possibly Canada, I don't fully recall this part. He was here to perform miracles...you know , get people to get up from their wheelchairs & walk again, cure whatever disease you had like cancer or diabetes....anything serious i suppose. And maybe, maybe this little boy's left hand. Can you stop reading & imagine for a moment how this boy felt. In his heart, he was going to get cured and be made whole again. Can you see it his eyes? look again...

That night, the mom went with the boy to the church where they were having this extraordinary event. By the time they got there, the church was full. They had to stand all the way in the back. The little boy could see the priest somewhat. He could hear him talking and the people near the boy were whispering how he made a woman who was paralysed walked, a man in pain for years was now pain free, and countless stories moving around a hush hush setting. They started to collect money from the people there. About 15 minutes into the ceremony, there was a black boy perhaps in his teens, i would guess him to be 16 or 17. He fell to the floor and started screaming so loud and all of his limbs were flapping in all directions. He had a white foam spewing out of his mouth. Imagine you, the church was pretty quiet before this guy started screaming. The priest interrupted his preaching and looked towards that area and said for people to take him outside. He said that this boy was possessed by the devil and now God was making his way into his soul. He was so to speak being cleansed. After a few minutes it got quiet again except for the voice of the priest . About this time , it was almost over and nothing had changed yet for this boy. He was starting to have silent tears in his eyes and his mom hugged him tight. That's when the priest said something amazing that made our boy smiled again....oh...how i remember that smile. The priest said not to be discouraged if you were not cured here tonight that God would visit you wherever you are to perform his miracles...all you have to do is keep praying...our little boy had hope yet again.

When they got home, he went straight to his room to start praying because he wanted to get a head start. His mother helped him pray and then he was left alone. I gather that he fell asleep begging God to give him a normal hand by morning...he probably told God that he will be a good boy and that he will do whatever God asked of him....that night he gave his heart to God...and then his eyes closed.

When the morning came and that 9 year old boy opened his eyes, his left hand had remained the same. God may have been in his room that night but he surely did not grant that boy's wish... but why ? the priest promised . It would be so easy for God to do this...Did he not pray enough ? How could God have abandoned him ? He started to cry and called out his mom. She came rushing in not knowing if really a miracle had taken place or not. He then said to his  mom," my hand is still the same " . The mother knelt down by her son and hugged him and cried with him and told him that it was ok...she loved him with all her heart. And they cried....and cried.

I have often thought about that night and how that little boy will forever be scarred believing a man of God. How he trusted the mere words of this mortal man only to be let down...That priest was only there to collect money and to deceive countless people who came with hope in their hearts...That other boy was a trick to get people to believe that the devil had possessed him and that he was being cured by God at that moment. A plan well thought out. How he preyed on people who had come with a wish...poor, poor little kid.

How evil the world we live in. How evil it is indeed...

The father hearing his son crying came in the room and held him , kissed him on the head and said " we love you , don't you ever ever forget that , you are our son " and the boy with tears in his eyes looked up at his father and barely could get the words out said  "Dad, are you proud of me? " " of course " said the father."why" replied the son . The father then looked the son in the eyes and said  " because you are a good son " .

The little boy has now become a man and his father passed on a few years ago but those words will stay with that kid until the day he himself takes his last breath...until the sun goes out from his eyes.