The point of no return !!!

I keep having the same dream over & over again....I found myself on a sailboat sailing away with no bearing in particular....just splashing waves. Not forgetting the fact i come alive when the ocean and I meet. On occasions, not surprised by this phenomenon, my dolphins friends are always in tow. The wind is so calming and the water so majestic that one truly feels part of the universe. At night, oh...the heavens are lit up . The shiny moon is just at my reach and the stars are like little eyes watching over me. Where am I heading ?.... I asked the ocean. At that instant , the wind whistles a tune to the sails and they flapped as if someone or something had guided them to do so. I am not alone....i whispered. I feel at peace . I am not afraid. As the night lifts up its veil and brings up the rising sun with its rays bouncing over the water and reflecting some type of shadow, more like ghost like. Is it my guardian angel ?

After many days and many nights or more like months i felt my destination was unreachable.  Then one day, don't remember what day it was,  i stare in the distance and found myself looking at some sort of an island . All indications tell me that there is not suppose to be an island there but there it is. Is it a mirage ? Am i hallucinating ?  The wind then picked up more force taking the boat faster like i had a rendez-vous with fate. I made my way on shore , it seemed unreal but the sand was solid...no doubt about it. The trees were like a forest and fruit trees at every glance...where had all this come from ?  Walking inward to look further....i came upon the most undescribable water falls....just picture it for a moment....the water was coming out of the mountain like it was some sort of fireworks...i had the feeling of when i found myself dancing & singing  in the rain....breathtaking...I let out a big yeahhhhhh....and guess what....a bunch of different types of animals starting appearing out of nowhere like magic...horses, zebras, elephants, lions, monkeys, birds and so on and on and what's weird they all were getting along...there was no king amongst them. Circling up in the sky were hundreds and hundreds of doves...oh...what a sight...you should have seen it....just divine. What does it all mean ? " i don't know " answered the awareness watching the dream unfold. But why does it haunt me on many of nights ? still no answer. The doves are still dancing  up above... Then i walked back in the direction of the path i came from and noticed that the boat was gone. What was happening to me ? I wondered if i ever came here on a boat...was i stranded here forever ? i was like in a fantasy world. How would i leave ?  i kinda love it here but am i suppose to stay? " Reality is sometimes harsh and life not fair"....says the awareness " but you belong to the real world and return you must"...how?  i asked...."you will figure it out...you always do "  said a strange voice. How many of us were in this dream?  Perhaps my unconscious is forming a personality that is not I,  but which is insisting on coming through.

To tell you the truth , i did not want to leave the island. Secretly , the awareness was wishing that I could not find a way off this dream world....oh what torture it is ... I had never felt so free and alive like this before. I felt like i was an intricate part of the fabric that makes up the universe...the state of mind where you know this is why you are alive... And the most important detail of this story is that there were no humans around to pass judgments...this dream world was off limits to humans because if they were allowed on the island , they would ruin everything made out of pure love ....the lion would then become a king, the land exploited, envy , greed , hate and pride would be in their hearts....survival of the fittest would be rewarded.... " You have learned a valuable lesson this time around, you recognized evil for what evil is , now go back and live your dreams " said the strange voice.

As darkness was slowly drifting away and light embracing the air, i awoke from that amazing world. I wondered if ever i would return....only the night knows...only the night !!!

Unbreak my heart...what's left of it.

I have been stabbed a thousand times and yet I do not die...
The vultures up in the sky circling circling in anticipation of my last breath...
Darkness slowly devoures my spirit...
My suffering is at end or so it seems...
Mercy me...

Heaven's on fire !!!

The agony of shame...
prisoner of the mind...
misery begets misery...
darkness all around...stars on the run.
heartless shadows invisible to the wind...
the seas dry as the sun...
heavens wonder...and hell awaits...
I shall never surrender !!!

The madness !!!

It is amazing to see how a person puts in very little effort and gets the trophee while another one puts their heart & soul out and never get to even have a chance to leave the starting line. But always remember,  in life nothing is what it seems, that trophee might actually turn out to be just a plain vase....imagine that.

Dont play by the rules...

Isn't it ironic?
We ignore the ones who adore us
adore the ones that ignore us
love the ones who hurt us
& hurt the ones who love us.

Bruised Ego...I suppose....

At my weakest moments...I've made myself looked like a fool...
I've been betrayed by my own heart...yet again.
I have nowhere to hide...it is from within that i am tormented.
My own mind has taken me prisoner...
I struggle against a formidable opponent.
Am i doomed to forever be seeking peace and yet never to attain it?
I have known all along the secret to happiness is to love yourself so that you may give love to others.
If you get loved in return...it is merely a bonus.
But my mind makes me believe otherwise...promising me false love.
Love is not out there...it comes from within.
The pursuit of finding love is an illusion created by the mind.
In essence... love is a fool's game... I must admit.

Out of the abyss !!!

Once upon a time in a far away land, there was this beautiful woman. She was smart , witty and popular. She had many followers , many of whom she never met . She loved getting the attention. But then one day another man from a different world saw a bright light from a distance and walked towards it beckoning lost souls ...only to realize she was the one glowing. At that time, he had no direction in his life and his breath was getting shallower. His darkness was quickly swallowed by her radiant aura.  He became intoxicated with her ... just like the other men and had on many occasions fall prey to her scent. But one day something happened, this drifter had somehow managed to reach the abyss of her soul and tear drops started to flow down from her cheeks as in a river looking for the sea. They looked like stars dropping from the heavens. It seems like a veil was lifted off her face just for a second just enough for this stranger to see that she was herself a prisoner and tormented by her fears .....she was lonely despite all her friends which all were somewhat imaginary. They belonged to a world devoid of touch. It was her only distraction from  her sorrows. That lonely traveler got up and walked towards her to wipe away her tears and to to say his final goodbye,  otherwise he himself was losing his grip on his own sanity. He kinda felt sorry for her whether she knew of it or not. Both were trying to write their destiny ...both had restless hearts of the same beat. One day, that lonely traveler had the wind at his back and walked into the sunset never to be seen again hoping that one day...she would be ok.

The kiss of death...

What if i told you a story. Come along for the ride...seat back and relax...

It all started with finding myself walking along the shoreline. i don't know how i got there, but there i was.
It was a beautiful day, the sun's rays bouncing off the water and in the near distance i saw a few dolphins bobbing their heads up and down. I got the feeling that they were there to witness some kind of event. I noticed i didn't have any sandals on, but the sand was not hot. It's like i was floating on air. As i continued to walk , i saw a woman sitting in the distance. She had the most beautiful golden hair that was somehow performing a kind of dance with the wind. As i approached her, i noticed that she was smiling at me. She had such a radiant smile you could ever imagine. I felt  a warm feeling all the way down to the depth of my soul. I knelt down to kiss her on the forehead. I then lay my head on her lap and found myself drifting away so slowly. She kissed me on the lips and whispered not in words but in thoughts not to be afraid. Suddenly i felt an overwhelming peace travel down to the essence of my being. I then closed my eyes for the last time capturing her smile along for the journey. I am free... I am finally going home...At that instant, a loud thunder shattered the darkness of the night sky and awakened me from my other world to realize i was on my bed having a dream...it was only a dream. My journey would have to wait then. So long heavenly messenger, until we meet again...

PRESUMED GUILTY !!!

Yesterday, i was called for jury duty. I have always thought that the justice system is unfair and many times the punishment does not fit the crime. I have seen well to do or people with connections get away with a lot of things. The regular guy charged with similar crimes would be locked up for a long time. As i walked into the courtroom , i saw the defendant seating with his lawyers. He was a black male charged with home invasion with a firearm. The judge read the charges to us . He had 4 counts of felony against him. But what struck me the most is that the judge kept repeating that this man was to be assumed to be innocent until the prosecution can prove the charges beyond a reasonable doubt. The defense had to do nothing . They could just seat there and not respond to any of the charges because the burden is on the prosecution. As i see it the burden is on the defense to instill a reasonable doubt into the jurors mind. I think it is the other way around , he is presumed guilty and it is up to his defense to beat the charges or lessen his punishment. Luckily i was not chosen to be on the jury ...i guess my answers to the prosecutors and the defense that i would not stand for a criminal if he is guilty nor for the law if they are trying to shape it to their likings, in other words corrupt people of the government. And the game continues and the innocent gets caught in the net many times...Hooray for liberty !!! (sarcasm)

GREED

As i am sitting in my backward, a sunny day with bright blue sky and a cool breeze that ruffles my hair whatever is left of it anyway , the tree swaying to the force of the wind . I came across this quote today and i thought how it fits my mood of the day. It's from the Cree Indian tribe.

Only when the last tree is cut; only when the last river is polluted; only when the last fish is caught; and only when there is no breath of fresh air left ; only then people will realize that you cannot eat money.” - Cree proverb

The earth certainly cannot sustain the destruction that the human race is afflicting on it, and one day we would probably become extinct due to our plunder of this gift, planet earth is. We have become a society of needs and self-interests that we are so oblivious to so many people going hungry everyday and children dying of preventable diseases because we are after our financial gain. I have looked down on the face of a hungry child and do you know what i saw; nothing short of what innocence once felt like. it is such a terrible feeling to see the face of a starving child , it wreaks havoc upon your soul to witness such a need. Am i naive so much to hope that one day, no one on this earth will go hungry ; i think it is probably wishful thinking.

I am alive !!!

I am on a mission , i am trying to free my heart from pain and yet if i succeed i would totally be unable to love and without love, life has no meaning....so i must regress and accept my fate. I am alive so therefore i feel !!!  

Eternal beauty...

When I look at you beauty, my heart dances to a different beat...
When I look into your eyes, I am drawn into the abyss of your soul...
When I look at your lips, I want to melt so that we could become one when we kiss...

A dark day !!!

Sometimes people come into your life and leave a mark that can never be deleted...

 
Today I have lost a great friend...

Goodbye Elina...                        

The irony of life !!!

 I see a lot of people posting on their FB status that they wish a cure for cancer. It brought back memories of my own battle with cancer. I still remember the moment my doctor told me I had cancer. No matter how tough you think you are , at that particular instant you become aware that life is so precious and wish you had more time. Isn't it always like that? We get distracted by the pleasures of life which are so minimal that we tend to forget its true meaning. Luckily for me, I suppose ,I'm still here obviously writing this and thankful to my creator for prolonging my life. The idea that it may return is never far from my mind. I think once you have been told that you have cancer...it never really leaves your thoughts...never. Ultimately, we all have to die from something and I am now a different person not because I had cancer but because I am now at peace with the day I will take my last breath. So many people worry about trivial & petty stuff that I get upset when I read them. I am so incline to answer them but I hold myself back because I see no purpose in bringing light to their ignorance. For them their lives are what it should be regardless of life's reality or so it seems.

Happy New year 2010 !!!

As our clock is ticking away to mark a new day and the earth is rushing to start the journey once more around the sun...For many it will be just another day in finding food or shelter and others for being oppressed...So today I ponder how blessed I am and to resist the temptation to take it for granted. I pray for peace & justice all over the world and to fight oppression wherever it exists....I concede that it may be naive on my part to hope for such a tall order but having hope begins the journey to achieving a dream. Ultimately our fate and for that matter our judgment rest with our creator.
I wish all of you a happy new year wherever you may be...peace.

Nothing stays in the dark forever !!!

These words were in the dark and upon seeing your eyes have seen the light !!!

SOUL SEARCHING !!!

It just does not get any easier as the days go by…
So many inner demons that I have to fight and must in the end conquer or be conquered.
what is the ultimate purpose of life?
GOD has a way of giving you the silent treatment. It is so dreadful.
I stare up at the night sky and wonder at it all.

PAY IT FORWARD !!!

On Dec. 29, 2008 I volunteered at Camillus house to feed the homeless. It was definitely a humbling experience. I saw so many people coming to get fed, it was surreal. I was putting salad and desserts for them. Miss Angela is the person who was in charge of the kitchen, asked me if I wanted to eat. I was not hungry at the time but it just goes to show you the decency of her core character. I am now a firm believer if you do good deeds to your fellow human beings, the universe will know and reward you in kind but don’t do it because of that, do it without expecting anything in return and do it well.

INNER PEACE !!!

Yesterday, I went to the Miami rescue mission to volunteer. I was helping sorting out countless toys for the kids. Thinking about the impact a toy will make on a child’s life made me relived my childhood where my brother and I would try to stay awake to catch Santa Claus. My parents always succeeded in waiting for us to fall asleep to put the gifts under the Christmas tree. It was indeed the best of times. If my help brought that special spark in a child’s life than my duty was all worth it. Actually they were helping me more than I was helping them. The gift of giving unconditionally puts us in a special embrace with the universe. You should try it sometimes.

MAJESTIC !!!

Tonight, I looked at the moon and only half of it is lit up. I get goose bumps every time I gaze at its beauty. It is indeed majestic and surreal. Jupiter and Venus are also bright in the Southwestern sky. I feel like a fish inside an aquarium looking to the outside, I sense that there is something beyond that glass, but I just cannot comprehend it. I just cannot put my finger on it.

The madness within !!!

You see when my father passed away on Dec. 19, 2006 ; that's the day i stopped believing in GOD. I set out to prove that he did not exist and after a long two year battle with my inner demons, i finally succumbed . I knelt down and became aware of his presence and begged him for his forgiveness for doubting his existence.In the long run after being exhausted with banging all of your wits around, you have come to realize it is very much futile to be mad at GOD. I know I have gone mad over it. If you think you want to take on GOD, make sure you are ready because in the end GOD will demand an answer from you. Trust me, I know...